L0VE && LEARNiNG TO LET G0.

How could you possibly promise someone or accept a promise from someone when you know the inevitable is going to happen?

Point-in-case. Long distance relationships dont work. I never believed in them, and I will never start to believe in them. You see if you are curious enough to read this right now... me and my boyfriend broke up about a month ago. He went to Florida State and I went to Florida International. The universities are on complete opposite ends of the of Florida. So what if FSU has a way better football team than FIU?? He said he loved me but that he needed to get away from his mother, so he left to Talahassee. And this I can understand.

His mother. I don't know where I can start with this horrible bitch and how she tried to tear me and him apart. Leaving me threatening voicemails, HARRASSiNG ME AT MY HiGH SCHOOL, locating my personal information AND my parents personal information. It's like he was the girl in this relationship with a protective mother, not me. I always tried leaving him because I do not put up with mothers AT ALL.... probably because they usually dont end up liking me.

Oh! But let me tell you the story about how we met. It was his and mine sophmore year of high school and we shared a class together. He liked me and tried talking to me and I was like...ew, no way. Then I started going out with someone else, so he left me alone. The middle of junior year came along and me and my boyfriend that I started going out with sophmore year finally broke up. I was heartbroken...typical high school emotions and all that. So it turns out that I had a class together once again with that same kid who liked me. He noticed that me and that kid broke up, and thats when he decided to make his move. He started trying to talk to me again in my "time of need" and then he asked me out.... : . Once again...ew. The boy was nervous and stuttering to get the words out of his mouth, and all I could say in pity was "I dont know you that well, let me get to know you first". Of course, I had no intention of getting to know him at all, PLUS I forgot to mention, when all of this was happening, I NEVER EVER led him to believe that I was the least bit interested in him.

So when he had the idea that I wanted to get to know him, this made him very happy, and it made me very annoyed. So I started talking to someone else and I started going out with them and once again, the kid left me alone. Senior year of high school comes along and towards the middle of it, I broke up with my boyfriend I started going out with my junior year. I had the kid again in my class senior year, but I did my best to avoid him. Then, I went on a Busch Gardens field trip and little to my surprise the kid who had liked me for the passed two years went on it too. But, something was different about him this time, and I couldnt put my finger on it. Suddenly, I was shocked to see that he was acting like I was nobody. My ego was very bruised!! So an urge came inside of me to start going after him. Yes, I know pathetic.

So after three months of secretly talking, we finally showed up to school one day holding hands, and everybody was shocked. Everyone told me I was way too good looking for him and others told him that he was too nice of a guy for a girl like me. Also, there was a little difference between our skin colors. You see I'm Peruvian and light-skinned, he is Trinidadian and dark-skinned. Which is (if you're hispanic and you should know) a very big issue to hispanic parents. But that made our love even stronger, like Romeo & Juliet. Our parents didn't like who their child was going out with, and me and him had to see each other secretly in school and out. Either by calling each other on public phones, so that our parents wouldnt see that we called each other from the house or our cell phones. Or sneaking out at night and stealing our parents car, so we could drive over to our secret spot. I fell in love with him and he fell in love with me. So blah blah, months pass by, we graduate, and then its time to say goodbye he is leaving for Talahassee and I'm being left behind.

He promised me that he was going to come back to me, crying and begging for me to stay with him in a long distance relationship and all these promises that he was going to make this work. I knew it was all a lie. Amor de lejos son de bendejos. So he ended up convincing me to stay with him, I must admit part of me wanted to be with him, because I fell in love with him and I thought he would never hurt me and we would be together forever. He said that the only reason he was going all the way to Talahassee was to get away from his mother and focus on school. I did not want him to drink or go clubbing and partying, and he promised me he wouldn't, and I knew that was a lie. He made me promise that I wouldn't go clubbing/partying/drinking... and I knew that was a lie even before I said "I promise I won't". Because that is the lifestyle I had always lived. Him, on the other hand, was deprived of going out to parties, etc. because of his god damn mother. IN WHICH WHO I BLAME FOR ALL OF THIS TO HAPPEN. Maybe if she let him go out more with his friends and not try to keep him in her arms forever, he wouldnt have gone crazy when he went to Talahassee and started realizing all the freedom he had.

He probably would have been the same Jason that I fell in love with back in high school, my high school sweetheart. But no, he changed and I was too stupid not to confront him about it earlier, about how I knew he was going to go partying and clubbing anyways even though he promised me he wouldnt.

How could I forget the horrible day when I last heard his voice. I was ignoring his phone calls all day because I found out that when we were on a break he hooked up with another girl. So I was never going to talk to him again. Some kind of love right? But yeh, I was sleeping and I ended up picking up the phone not knowing who it was when he was the one who was calling. All I hear is yelling and screaming in my ear and I wake up. He is yelling at me accusing me of hooking up with another guy just to get back at him for what he did... which I didnt do. It then got to a serious point where he started calling me all these horrible names and cursing at me like I've never heard him say anything like that before. He was no longer my Romeo.. he became a monster to me that night. He ended up blackmailing me to stay with him. And this blackmail was very very bad & horrible. So I was shocked to hear that he was blackmailing me and I dont know what happened, I started crying uncontrollably and for the first time in my life I got a nose bleed. He then proceeded to tell me that I need to give him a copy of my schedule so that he knows when to call me, and that when he calls me that I better pick up or else he would use the blackmail he had against me.

Who is this person on the other end of the line??? He used to be someone who I'd have given up my life for and now he is just someone who turned out to be a monster. Blah Blah Blah.... my battery dies, and I dont bother charging it. The next day I get a phone call from him, he is apologizing to me and saying that the only reason why he talked to me like that was because he was out with the boys and had to much to drink.

I could never forgive him for what he said to me that night. He told me to call him back after 9pm when we have free minutes so that we could talk. I never called. My self-esteem is NOT that low to let a man treat me the way he did. He continued to call for the next two days, and I continued to ignore those phone calls. I picked up finally after three days, and he said that it was the last time he was going to call me, and if i wanted to call him he will always pick up, he then said "I love you Babygirl. Foreber and Always.". We always used to say that to each other, cute right? So yeh, my love died for him that night he treated me like shit. I said nothing in response, and just hung up the phone.

It hurt to let go, but I knew I had to do it in order to keep what was left of my dignity.

SO THiS iS THE REASON WHY i SUDDENLY FELT COMPELLED TO WRITE ABOUT ALL OF THiS...

So it has been over four weeks since I last talked to him, or heard about anything concerning him. I admit I still think about him everyday. I miss him. AND suddenly I check my myspace today and he sent me a message. My heart dropped. It was titled "my football clothes"... I open it and he says that he wants to know if he can get his football clothes back and if I can he will give me his address. You see before he left to FSU, he gave me his football sweater, tshirt, class ring, necklaces...etc. to always think about him. I havent touched them at all, partly because I havent been home for the past three weeks, so I dont know where any of it is. I'm staying with my homegirl because there are way to many memories in my bedroom that remind me of him, and I cannot bear to sleep in my bed again because it all reminds me of him.

Do you think he still thinks about me? Do you think he still loves me? or does he really just want his stuff back??? I dont know..

Any ideas from the curious reader?

MEDiA WENT GL0BAL!!!!

Media!!! You cannot escape this phenomenom, no matter what. It has already affected me, you, and everybody else in the whole entire world. Yes the kind of music we listen to, the television programs we watch, the pictures in the magazines, and that voice on the radio affect us all in some way or the other. I have never hesistated to think that the media has not had any effect on me, because it has and iTS EASY TO KNOW iT BECAUSE i SHOW iT. I know for a fact, that the music I listen to and the type of shows I watch on television, that they have a tremendous influence on my demeanor. It has affected the way I talk, what words I do and do not say, what I think about on a daily basis, maybe even the way I walk, my posture, and my style of clothing.

I listen to hip hop, rap, reggaeton, r&b, salsa, bachata, merengue, and classical music. I see the reason, now that I think about the past, why I started listening to this kind of music. Part of it because of my culture and heritage and the other part the other kind of music does reveal lifestyles that I have never known and want to get know more about. Just like in the media education video, the girl towards the end made a very good point, that kind of music does appeal to my senses and it intrigues me to continue listening to hip hop, rap, and r&b.

But why the stereotypes? When you typically separate different genres of music, you can usually point out what kind of person listens to that kind of music. WHY??? BECAUSE it has been embedded into our heads that only certain type of people should listen to certain types of genres.

Media does influence us on a daily basis. I feel that the media tries to brainwash us. IS IT A CONSPIRACY OF THE GOVERNMENT TO KEEP HUMANS OCCUPIED WITH WHAT IS SURROUNDING THEM SO THAT THEY DONT REALIZE THE TRUE DISASTERS THAT ARE GOING ON IN THE WORLD TODAY????

Just like the VP Candidate, Sarah Palin, if you were to ask a random voter why they are voting for her, there is a 50% chance that they have no clue what kind of resume this lady has got in her portfolio. Amazing, isn't it? How can anyone even bother with politics when the media is constantly telling people of what they "should" look like and that they should continue buying and spending their hard earn money on unnecessary items. This society has been brainwashed to think that in order to grow as a society that we need to keep spending our money. But aren't we all brainwashed? Very BRAVE NEW WORLD. The TV hypnotizes people into watching programs for hours and hours, then by teaching us the skills and mannerisms that we use on a daily basis.

I must admit, I have a weakspot for SpongeBob SquarePants.. but now when I look back at episodes that I watched when I was younger, I caught so many red flags that seemed so completely innocent to me. Spongebob does have topics that causes discomfort in parents and worry to the effect that only one TV show and the rest of the TV shows can have on one generation.

DONT LET THE MEDIA HYPNOTiZE YOU! OopS ToOo LATE.

.NEVER F0RGET.

Never will I forget the day that I returned to the country of my roots... Peru.

The last time I was in Peru was when I was four years old. Eight years later, my parents finally decided to send me to Peru by myself so that I can be forced to learn Spanish, because of the fact that I had almost completely forgotten Spanish since I only spoke English in America.

I finally arrive in Lima, Peru with all my relatives awaiting my arrival. I could barely speak Spanish, all I knew were the basics like, "Hola"... "Como Estas"... "Estoy cansada"... and especially "Tengo hambre". So after I arrive at my aunt's house, I tell my cousins that I'm hungry and the only restaurant that I immediately recognized was the McDonald's that we drove by on the way to the house.

We walked like around eight blocks to get to McDonald's. On the way there we were trying to communicate with each other, me talking broken Spanglish to them and my cousins speaking broken English to me. The only way we could get something clear between one another was through hand gestures.

So we finally arrive at McDonald's, we get some food and we eat inside and then I take some food to go with me to take back to my aunt's house. Me and my cousins walked outside those doors and suddenly two little kids,a boy and a girl no more than five or six years old, come running up to me begging me for some food. The language barrier that was there suddenly disappeared, and even though I did not understand word for word what they were saying to me I could tell by the dirty clothes they were wearing, their faces stained by dirt, and by the look of their bodies, I could tell that it must have been have been a long time since they had a decent meal and a decent place to sleep in.

My heart could not help but feel pity and sorrow for these poor kids. So I gave them all my food, and they could not believe that I was being so nice and giving them so much food and they both just hugged me and started crying saying, "Gracias senorita, gracias, gracias". My heart suddenly wished that I could share with them the privileged life that I live back in America.

The little girl took my hand, and then asked me to follow her. My cousins are absolutely shocked that I would give them my food because usually what they do is ignore them and continue walking and my cousins followed me and the little boy and girl. The little kids led me across the street to a tree-less little park. We then walk up to a woman who is snugly sleeping on the grass of the park. It turned out that she was their mother, they woke her up, and then introduced me to her. I could tell she was furious with me for giving her children the McDonald's. Some odd words later... I understood that she had two other children who were trying to sell candy to cars driving by on the street parallel to the park. I look over to see her other two kids and at that very moment, a car driving way too fast almost hit one of her children who was trying to sell candy. The car did manage to stop on time right before almost hitting the shocked child avoiding an almost certain death.

To see children having to live in any situation, such as having to beg people for food, breaks my heart. I feel so helpless, I feel like there is nothing I can do because I do not know the situation in which they are coming from. Also because I don't know where to start. How do I help these families that live like this? I honestly, don't know where to go or who to talk to when it comes to having these kind of concerns. I care a great deal about families, more specifically children, who have to go through these kind of troubles on a daily basis. However, I do feel that the only thing that is holding me back from consistently seeking information on helping out in these kinds of situations is... reality. What would happen if I do dedicate my time and effort into helping out families who live in countries that, in my opinion, have a poor government system? I feel that if i do help, that things will always be the same no matter what. They will still be living in a country that does not care enough to provide these impoverished people with any decent kind of help. I am only one person, and I know that it will take a war, whether it be verbal or physical, to try and change the kind of government system that any country has.

OPiNiONS.

Opinions. Society has embedded the idea that opinions should be shared in order to express new ideas. There are"unwritten" rules of what to talk about in a conversation with family or friends such as topics that concern religion and politics. The reason why I believe that such topics are "banned" from conversations is because it is these topics, in my opinion, that have a tendency to cause very rude outburts and tension that leads to arguments, crying, and probably the ending of both important and not important relationships,etc.

When it comes to religion, religion has been the basis of wars that have been going on for hundreds of years. Countries that vary from asia to north america, have different religions. The reason why people may say that discussing religion is off-limits is maybe because they are trying to avoid a mini "war" from happening. It causes tension no matter what. I know that when someone calls into question as to what and why do I believe in it, I know that it sparks an immediate sense of discomfort. What more can you say? No one can be sure of where we are going after we die, there is no absolute proof, all there is is faith. In a society that calls into question people's identity so often, people need something to run to at the end of the day to prove that there is someone or something always watching over them, or maybe people need nothing at all.

What can I say about politics....politic's ideals and beliefs derive from some sort of religious belief. With the two main parties, one being ultra conservative (Republicans) and the other ultra liberal (Democrats), one still holds values instilled in them from religious teachings and the other breaks away from religious teachings in order to provide equal oppurtunities to everyone.

AS TO PALIN'S DAUGHTER PREGNANCY... I must say what an excellent PR stunt the Republicans pulled out. As to whether or not the McCain campaign knew about this very big problem or not, they did play it off in a way that preserves the political party's views. Barack Obama couldn't have said it any better, keep her family out of this; this in no way depicts Palin's qualifications to run as vice president. Don't get me wrong, I am a Democrat, and I do believe it is time for a woman to be in office, just not this lady who has caught the attention of many people, ESPECIALLY the men. Jealousy? NO. Concern? Yes. People should always do their research as to who they feel could best run a country.

Going back to opinions. Where do people get their basis of any opinion? From where it all starts, home. As to the majority of people who are lucky to have parents or family members a part in their lives, their opinions do rub off onto children. Then there is school, where kids go everyday to learn something new not only in textbooks but with life. By people not discussing topics such as religion and politics, it is not related to whether or not people have opinions, rather it is from the basis and unknown hurt there is or could be caused because of these topics. People should voice their opinions though, we have that right thanks to freedom of speech.

I form my own opinions out of everything, I give every single issue different viewpoints from different stances and consider everything. I listen to what my parents & family have to say, I also read about proven facts or statistics, and I also listen to friends. I do my best to voice my opinion, but in reality I know that I, most of the time, keep my opinions to myself in order to keep from hurting anyone's feelings.
It's funny how we talk about religion and politics because here is something interesting that I have and will always keep and maybe something that you should read. My teacher gave me this paper in my senior year of high school to try and get me thinking.

In light of the many perversions and jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke, it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.

Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her "How could God let something like this happen?" (regarding the attacks on Sept. 11).

Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said "I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives.

And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?"

In light of recent events...terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeline Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found recently) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK.

Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school ... the Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK.

Then someone said teachers and principals better not discipline our children when they misbehave. The school administrators said no faculty member in this school better touch a student when they misbehave because we don't want any bad publicity, and we surely don't want to be sued (there's a big difference between disciplining, touching, beating, smacking, humiliating, kicking, etc.). And we said OK.

Then someone said, let's let our daughters have abortions if they want, and they won't even have to tell their parents. And we said OK.

Then some wise school board member said, since boys will be boys and they're going to do it anyway, let's give our sons all the condoms they want so they can have all the fun they desire, and we won't have to tell their parents they got them at school. And we said OK.

Then some of our top elected officials said it doesn't matter what we do in private as long as we do our jobs. Agreeing with them, we said it doesn't to me what anyone, including the President, does in private as long as I have a job and the economy is good.

Then someone said let's print magazines with pictures of nude women and call it wholesome, down-to-earth aprreciation for the beauty of the female body. And we said OK.

And then someone else took that appreciation a step further and published pictures of nude children and then further again by making them available on the Internet. And we said OK, they're entitled to free speech.

Then the entertainment industry said, let's make TV shows and movies that promote profanity, violence, and illicit sex. Let's record music that encourages rape, drugs, murder, suicide, and satanic themes. And we said it's just entertainment, it has no adverse effect, nobody takes it seriously anyway, so go right ahead.

Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.

Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with "WE REAP WHAT WE SOW".

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspaper say, but question what the Bible says.

Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding spirituality people think twice.